Browsing idly through my old emails, I found some quotes that melted my heart. All of them from ~hrekka, my British ex-boyfriend, who I very nearly married. Things didn't work out, but hey. Life is life. After reading some of these, you'll understand why I fell so hard, and could barely pick myself up after losing him. I'm in a sentimental mood today. Could be because I'm working on the preliminary sketches for a drawing for ~RohinZ. Wish I had all the old emails and IMs from him, way back when.

(Nostalgia, for the win!)

Also. I got approved for my school loans on Wednesday. I not only get to take classes from the Art Institute of Pittsburgh Online, but I also got a $2000 loan to buy myself a new desktop computer. I am very, very excited!

Anyway. Commencing with the quotes.

"I don't misunderstand you. I echo the sentiment entirely. I stand by what I've said in the past, that you're a jewel - sparkalingly beautiful and many-faceted. For someone who claims to be terrible at that poetic thing, I was proud of that one...*smiles* I love you, all of you. I think you knew this already, though."

"Although - I admit, reading your LJ entry made me start off crying again. I love you, and I can hardly phrase it at all. The writer, lost for words - and the artist, telling the world. I am happy, though, for what we shared. I would never even think about exchanging those twelve days for anything.

But you're still so present. Just out of my sight, just below the level of my hearing. Your breath, your laugh, your smile. It's imprinted onto my mind so vividly...

The tear in your eye when I turned away."

"And this question is perfect. I don't know what [my parents] want [in an answer], so I don't answer properly. Yes, you're alive. When I last saw you you were clapping, and happy. It doesn't mean she's still like that now, and she's probably asleep. I just woke up, so *feels like screaming* I DON'T BLOODY KNOW! Do you think I'd be sitting here eating cheerios if I could be with her? Or just talk to her? Well? Goddamnit, woman. Showing an interest is one thing, but goddamnit! Why don't you ask about my hobbies! Feign interest in that, and you might get a few more words out of me. Or see if you can figure out something to ask about Laura that matters, instead of inane details about her life!"

"*kisses her forehead* I miss you too. Quite bitterly. You make me feel...special, you know? You put me on a high like no other. That someone so sweet and caring and charming and downright cute could even take an interest in me.

And frankly, I don't give a crap if you don't believe that little list belongs to you."

"I need a shirt that says "No, I will not fix your computer." I will wear it to work, and all will be well."

"Whilst I'm waxing philosophical, I'll tell you why I have never asked you to marry me without your prodding.

It's simple. I feel I can't do it without a ring in my pocket. I don't want to cheapen the question by saying it every day without being able to make it official, so to speak. Although, reflecting on it, that would be fun. I could catch you off-guard even more so that way....

*grins*

But do you get my point? It makes me feel weird, just saying it off-handedly. I do want to marry you, sweetie. You need to stop with all this doubt!"

"Life is good, kitteh - you may not be here, but I still love you with all my heart, and we'll see each other again. Distance makes the heart grow fonder."

***********************************

I'd best stop, before I start crying. Sam and I are good friends now, nothing more. I suppose I have to say that, without hesitation, I'd be with him again in a heartbeat. I hope to find someone--if not he himself--just like Sam someday, who dotes upon me and loves me unconditionally and whole-heartedly. It was mutual affection and adoration, and some of the happiest memories of my life are from the times I spent in his company.

In other news, I may have found a job. Cross your fingers / pray for me, guys? Please?

P.S: I don't really feel hopeless. It just won't let me change my mood.

~Yunie // Laura // Kitty